The toxic side of goal setting
Let's finally talk about this.
Welcome back to Moments with Marv! Be sure to share this one with loved ones.
Hey,
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about life satisfaction, and how few of us can actually define what that means for ourselves.
It’s one of those loaded phrases we all throw around. “I just want to feel satisfied. Fulfilled. At peace.”
But when you pause and ask someone, “What does that look like for you?”, more often than not, there’s silence.
We live in a world obsessed with goals. We read books about them. Build apps for them. Post about them. But we rarely stop to ask: Are the goals we’ve set actually making us feel better?
Just last year, the UK was ranked the second most unhappy country in the world, with 35% of people describing themselves as “distressed or struggling.”
And data from the Office for National Statistics (ONS) showed that personal well-being continues to decline, with life satisfaction scores dropping from 7.54 to 7.45 out of 10 in just one year.
It’s not hard to understand why. With rising living costs, unaffordable housing, and political instability, it’s easy to become consumed by things we can’t control.
The pressure builds. The timelines tighten. And somewhere along the way, we forget to ask ourselves the most important question:
What do I actually want?
Toxic Goals vs. True Goals
Let me paint a picture.
Imagine you’re 28, working in a creative role. You tell yourself:
“I’ll finally be happy when I make £100K a year.”
You get there… and six months later, you’re restless again. You’re burning out. You’re not sleeping well. The goalpost has moved.
Now it’s: “I need to be making £150K and have a team under me.”
Or another one:
You’re trying to lose weight. You say:
“I won’t feel confident until I lose 20 pounds.”
But you hit your target… and still don’t feel like “enough.” You start nitpicking. The happiness you thought was waiting on the other side? It never arrives.
This is what I call a toxic goal: A goal built on future validation. Future relief. Future joy. It delays your sense of worth until an arbitrary number is hit.
So what’s the alternative?
Your 10-Minute Check-In
This weekend, try this:
Take 10 minutes. Grab a journal or open your Notes app.
Ask yourself:
What goals am I currently working toward?
Do they excite me or drain me?
Would I still want this if no one else saw me achieve it?
What would success look like if it was just for me?
I also really believe in the power of downtime, giving your mind the space to slow down, switch off, and just be.
These aren’t about productivity, they’re about clarity. When you write things down, patterns emerge, noise quiets, and your next step becomes clearer.
Life satisfaction does not equate to bigger goals
It often just means clearer ones.
You might realise:
You don’t want a six-figure salary. You want more free time to write.
You don’t need to scale your business right now. You need to feel proud of your work again.
You don’t hate your job. You just haven’t had a day off in 6 weeks.
Life satisfaction doesn’t come from hitting some distant milestone.
It comes from small, intentional shifts:
- Choosing goals that feel good to pursue.
- Letting go of timelines that don’t make sense for your season.
- Measuring progress based on how you feel, not just what you produce.
You might be closer to satisfaction than you think. But you’ll only find out if you stop long enough to look.
P.S. I’ll be on GMB next week (April 14–18), so keep an eye out if you want to catch me live. But in the meantime, start with the 10-minute check-in. Your future self will thank you for it.
🎧 P.S. The podcast is back!
After a short break, Midlife Mindful Moments has returned with brand new episodes.
One reader recently messaged to say she landed a promotion, and credits this guided meditation as the turning point. 🥹✨
If you’re setting new goals or need a mindset reset, this episode is a great place to start.
See you soon,