Menopause. Let's lift the lid on this one.
I was terrified of either going mad or destroying my relationships with my mum and my husband. The cracks were already showing, as I’d spent the first part of the year retreating from my family and...
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But for today, let’s open the scary box on a word that strikes fear into the hearts of the majority of women in midlife..
Menopause.
Once a word cloaked in silence and secrecy.
No one was talking about it. Some people didn’t even know about it, and yet many women in their 40s and 50s were going through it.
Hot flushes, palpitations, anxiety, night terrors.
The bizarre thing is we were all enduring the nightmare of menopause, with little expert knowledge at our disposal in the way it is now.
For some, menopause came with the most brief of introductions, a topic discussed by mothers, sisters, or friends.
For others, it arrived as a surprise, a word rarely spoken and surrounded by mystery.
For me, awareness came only a few years ago, during a series of specials on the BBC. The world seemed to pause as Davina McCall and other brave women began talking about menopause openly on national television.
If you haven’t watched the documentary: click here
Thanks to Davina’s two deep dives on the issue (HURRAH!), there was suddenly a language around what had always felt so vague. FINALLY, women up and down the country didn’t feel so alone. I was still thinking of menopause as something that happened to others, until it didn’t. Until it started happening to me.
I remember the first moment I truly realised menopause had arrived. I describe it as like being hit by a metaphorical truck. And it’s something that has stayed with me.
I’d asked my mum not to do something, but, resolute as ever and convinced she was right, she went ahead her own way. It was typical of Mum and the reason why, from my teens, we’d always clashed, I’d inherited her single-mindedness, and two strong wills never seem to see eye to eye. So, Mum did her own thing. And I lost it, in a way that shocked me to my core and, as you can imagine, frightened my poor mum to tears. I apologised profusely, of course. I never intended to hurt her, but the extremity of my emotions took hold of me, almost like a demon. I'll never, ever forgive myself for how I reacted that day. My only explanation is that I truly didn’t feel in control of my emotions in the way I usually was.
But the weird happenings didn’t stop there. I began experiencing night terrors, dark, visceral dreams that left me sweating and breathless. I would wake, disoriented, from nightmares that felt as real as waking life.
Anxiety crept in, too, pushing my once-steady mind into overdrive, sparking concerns about everything from crowded train stations to simple outings. I thought something bad would happen to me on public transport…I don’t know what but I was convinced something was going to happen. I felt like I was losing myself. And then it clicked: this was menopause, or rather, perimenopause, the precursor that often comes with symptoms many of us had never been taught to expect.
There’s no “right time” for menopause, but when it hits, it can feel like it’s upending everything.
I even told my husband, Austen, that if he ever noticed me acting out of character, he should let me know.
And he did. Many times.
But that’s when I knew I needed to see someone - a health professional.
Before we get into that, let’s look at the data
Six thousand women reach menopause every day in the United States, but there are only around 2,300 providers certified in menopause medicine.
In the UK, an estimated 13 million people are currently peri- or menopausal (Wellbeing of Women), which is equivalent to a third of the entire UK female population.
Is Anything Being Done to Help?
Thankfully, some workplaces are starting to step up by offering:
Flexible working hours, which can help employees manage fatigue or disrupted sleep patterns.
Access to quiet, cool spaces, providing relief for those dealing with hot flushes or sensory overload.
Remote or home-working options, allowing employees to avoid stressful commutes or distracting environments.
But not every workplace has moved with the times. Research by the Fawcett Society in 2022 showed that one in ten women who have worked during menopause have left their jobs due to symptoms and lack of support. That research formed the basis of the EHRC’s guidance issued this year to all UK employers. It asked firms to make allowances for female employees with severe symptoms, just as they do for those with disabilities, or they may fall foul of equality laws.
The good thing is at least people are now talking about menopause, and it’s no longer such a dreaded word.
Thanks to advocates like Dr Louise Newson, we’re finally opening up the conversation. More resources are now available, from Dr Newson’s Newson Health clinic and website, filled with free information, to podcasts like Menopause Whilst Black by my lovely associate, Karen Arthur, which talks about the unique experiences of women of colour.
What did I do?
So, I decided to see a private doctor. It cost an arm and a leg, but I needed to feel better, and fast. I was terrified of either going mad or destroying my relationships with my mum and my husband. The cracks were already showing, as I’d spent the first part of the year retreating from the rest of my family while trying to figure out what on earth was happening to me.
Through Newson Health, a clinic specialising in menopause care, I found the right doctor. She prescribed an oestrogen patch, and within days, I felt a shift. The intense mood swings and anxiety lifted almost instantly, and it felt like I could finally breathe again. For the first time, my symptoms weren’t running the show.
I know private care isn’t an option for everyone, and I’m fully grateful that I had that choice. It came with an emotional price tag as well—a story for another day. But my symptoms were all-consuming, and I feel so strongly that every woman deserves access to informed menopause support, whether through the NHS or privately. Put yourself first. If you’re one to treat yourself to a new handbag or a pair of shoes, maybe tuck that cash away instead for a ‘Me First Fund’, something just for you, to turn to in extreme times. The oestrogen patches and tablets have been a lifeline, helping me reclaim parts of myself I thought were lost forever.
I was so touched by your comments on my Dating Journey a few weeks back, so I’ll bet you’ve got a story or two to share about this as well. Please do, your experience might help someone else. Talking to friends made me realise I wasn’t alone. Funny, isn’t it, how we so often think we’re isolated in our struggles, only to find we’re not?
Let’s keep this conversation going and not shy away from it. When menopause ‘strikes,’ I believe every woman has the right to feel like herself again. Comment below or drop me an email, I’m all ears.
Sending love to everyone, and I’ll see you back on GMB on Monday, 30th, and Tuesday, 31st December.
Thank you for your honesty to share your experiences. I'm really grateful that we now live in a time when taboo topics like menopause are spoken about with courage, honesty and openness - bravo to you and other women who choose to share their story. As the say goes 'there's strength in numbers'! Big hug and love x
Loved this as always, Marv - I'm so glad we are talking about all of this more now, I have so many friends who spent a year of their lives thinking they were losing their minds and screwing up their relationships!